Go Ahead and Disagree with Me - I'm Listening!

If you're like me, you were rocked by some political bombshells this week. In the space of mere hours, both Tucker Carlson and Don Lemon were fired from their respective roles at Fox News and CNN. Reflecting—actually, more like venting—about his removal, Carlson observed of the political coverage he generated for many years: “When you take a little time off[, you notice] how unbelievably stupid most of the debates you see on television are.” Carlson—who has worked at MSNBC, CNN, and Fox—is correct.

Most people naturally gravitate toward two types of conversation, reflected by such televised debates.

On the one hand, folks discuss topics aligning with and validating their preexisting standpoints. To varying degrees, we all operate in bubbles and echo chambers.

On the other hand, when we talk to people who don't share our views, many of us eschew deep and respectful conversations in lieu of “gotchas” or shouting matches. Instead of trying to understand our “opponents,” we seek ways to portray them as ridiculous or immoral.

That's why talking heads’ rage-bait is so popular. It gives us what we want. It “saves” us from doing the hard work of bridge building, which can be exhausting, unsatisfying, and even dangerous to our in-group social standing. But from a community organizing standpoint, this easy out is insufficient.

Speaking with someone who disagrees with you on something like abortion rights, the Israel-Palestine dilemma, or the root causes of extremism will not always lead to anyone's mind being changed, but often the conversations themselves are the point. Healthy societies aren’t built on dichotomies of us-versus-them or heroes-against-villains; instead, they emerge when real people have respectful, tough conversations about things they truly value. And we build that healthy society by listening more to those with whom we disagree and looking down on them less. We may never see eye to eye, but we need to at least be able to look one another in the face.